Saturday, July 22, 2006

And now we turn to Mustapha with the weather/war report...



In reporting on the Lebanese-Israeli war, Al Jazeera has adopted the model of the weather report. A man in a suit stands in front of a fullscreen blue-boxed map of Lebanon and Israel and points to places that have been attacked, while maintaining eye contact with the camera; he uses the same sweeping gestures to signify raids by Israeli fighter jets as weathermen ordinarily do to illustrate the movement of storm clouds, hot air and hurricanes. The 23-ton bomb the Israelis dropped over Bourj Barajneh the other night (which flattened the house of a man who gave me a ride home, just an hour later) definitely resembled Hurricane Katrina.

Soon Lebanon will resemble the weather report, after the climate apocalypse:
And here, the conveyor belt has broken down, the Gulf stream has ceased to flow sending northwestern Europe into the ice age, the east coast of the western hemisphere has been flooded in a gigantic tsunami wave and the glacier icecaps have all melted. Mother Nature released a statement saying that she had not intentionally targeted the glaciers, but that weather reporters were hiding there and using it to launch long-range attacks against the moon. A spokesperson for God said that Mother Nature has a right to defend herself and her allies, the moon and the sun, and described the end of the world as... "unfortunate".

7 comments:

Fayez said...

And this guy is really spineless. A weird choice for a war reporter. Could be much more fun if he actually released his fear and the tremble inhis voice broke into sudden cries of "MAMA!" everynow and then.

I don't understand the run on weather changes and mother earth, truth be told. I don't understand much these days anyway. I guess I will soon be needing a weatherman-styled explanantion of everything.

Heard on the news that the US was sending Israel some new funky missiles. Isn't just fair then for the US to send HizbulLah some funky counter measure as well. It is afterall, the prime benficiary of the wars around here. It sells, arms, funds factories with investments from that Group known but unnamed, hires ex-Generals who sell to warlords who used to be their political allies or enemies in past lives and so on and forth...

Rice (kundara-lisa) says these are labour pains for a new Middle East. I am sure then the new Middle East is a bastard. The old Middle East has only seen less then a hundred years of English/French/American colonialism, its way too early bitch to start celebrating your incestual love child.

Nadia said...

When I was a kid growing up in Lebanon, we would listen to the radio traffic reports in the morning before going to school, as I supose many people in normal countries do. But instead of telling us which streets were jammed or slow-moving, the reports were about where there were snipers and how heavy the gunfire was. Fun times...

Julie said...

This is great. Keep writing.

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