Of all the troubles I thought UNIFIL might be embroiled in (e.g. rape -- popular with UN soldiers in Kenya and Bosnia; killing-- popular with soldiers in general; disarming Hezbollah against their will; and attacks by Al Qaeda types or Israeli missiles), petty theft didn't make my list. Italian UNIFIL burglars are running rampant in southern Lebanon. Apparently they are stealing "boots and daggers". Perhaps they are duelling the Fijians for the love of some village beauty.
Hide your valuables if you see a guy in a blue helmet.
Meanwhile, Saniora denies reports he might meet with Olmert. It's like middle school all over again, denying you are friends with the "unpopular" kid. He reiterated that Lebanon "will be the last Arab country to sign a peace treaty with Israel."
If you haven't already, read Pastor Haggard's resignation letter, where he admits to a part of his life that's "repulsive and dark". And watch Colbert rush to Haggard's defense. The evangelical porn industry awaits us.
While we're on the topic of "sexually immoral" conduct, Ultra-orthodox rabbinical courts may place a "pulsa danura" against organizers of next week's gay pride parade in Jerusalem and any policemen who beat ultra-Orthodox protesters.
Many westerners think "fatwa" sounds scary. Pulsa danura, literally, means "lashes of fire" in Aramaic.(I'll take the folks at Haaretz by their word on that one.) And it gets better. The curse "is supposed to cause the death of the subject within a year, calls upon the angels of destruction to refrain from forgiving the subject his sins, to kill him and to call down all the curses named in the Bible."
Angels of destruction? Sometimes I wish I believed in this stuff. Then I could call on them instead of forever cursing under my breath.
Ultra-orthodox Jews should be scrutinized at airports; they boast quite a few terrorists in their ranks. And I have seen more than my fair share of gay stewards, who surely shouldn't be allowed to handle kosher meals.
Avigdor Lieberman, a boorish racist of recent Moldovan extraction, now doubles as Israeli Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of "Strategic Threats". Fresh on the job, Lieberman identified "minorities [as] the biggest problem in the world."
Olmert made a pathetic effort to distance himself from Lieberman's statements by claiming, "Lieberman's opinions do not reflect mine". He elaborated: "For example, we do not share the same taste in women and salad dressing. Avigdor likes bottle blondes, while I prefer brunettes; he likes ranch dressing, while I never stray from creamy Italian." Spare me, please.
Apparently Lieberman picked up the little snippet of wisdom from working as a nightclub bouncer. He must have kept those joints minority-free.
Second only to Netan-yahoo, Lieberman is the most popular candidate for the Israeli premiereship. Here in Lebanon we have Moldovan women, whose anatomical and artistic talent is appreciated by khaliji tourists in local cultural establishments called "super-nightclubs". It's too strange that a Moldovan nightclub bouncer might become prime minister in the Middle East some day, no? Pure racial strip joints await us all.